Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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