My first STD was from a foam party
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
