the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
