was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
