I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
