I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize