shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
