Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
