i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
