Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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