he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
