its not stalking. its research.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
