Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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