stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You pole danced in your parka.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
