I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I know her cup size but not her name....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
