Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize