I got chris browned last night
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
