Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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