It's Friday. Sex?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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