Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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