i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
