Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
