My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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