I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
