things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
