standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think a kid would responsible me up
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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