so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
