i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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