Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
