There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
