she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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