I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
