Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I checked into jail on foursquare
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
