Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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