I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
