Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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