there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
