Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize