I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
