I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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