Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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