I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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