Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize