I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize