Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
