just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
