Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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