so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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