I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
