I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
