eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
