Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so let's talk penis.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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