I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
