Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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