right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
