I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
