no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
