I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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