saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The beer is more important than you right now.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize