Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
