Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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