There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
