This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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