yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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