Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have feelings that need drinking.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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