The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
