My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
