I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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