Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
