I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
