He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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