here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's never too late to be topless.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize