do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
