I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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