'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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