my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
