dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
two words: eviction party
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
