Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize