The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
