with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
