I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
