she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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