my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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