he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
