Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
