Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
