i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
