Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
