everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
