Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
