Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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