If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
