he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
