Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
