He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
farters have to be the big spoon...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
