I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
