I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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