Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
