she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So here I am, sexting at work.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
